Daryl

2009-11-25T14:15:00.001+09:00

Kung Fu Gay gets whacked using Drunken Style

2009-11-20T16:39:00.001+09:00

2009-11-20T16:34:00.001+09:00

2009-11-20T16:29:00.001+09:00

2009-11-09T20:37:00.001+09:00

2009-11-07T23:19:00.002+09:00

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2009-11-07T23:17:00.001+09:00

Little Johnny punished at school

2009-10-30T22:22:00.006+09:00

One day little Johnny came home from school, and said to his mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little Johnny replied, "My homework."

Little Johnny in tears

2009-10-30T22:22:00.001+09:00

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears.

"That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

Story(not mine)

2009-10-26T00:24:00.002+09:00

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Manchester, England. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Manchester United fan?

2009-10-24T22:26:00.004+09:00

2009-10-24T22:26:00.002+09:00

Channel:RAYWILLIAMJOHNSON(links on my blog)

2009-10-16T21:22:00.002+09:00

Top Games

2009-10-16T21:00:00.000+09:00

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Publisher: Square Enix

Developer: h.a.n.d. Inc.

Genre: Role-Playing

Platform: DS

Release: 2009-09-29

2 Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

Publisher: Nintendo
DS
Role-Playing score:

9.0

3 New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Publisher: Nintendo
WII
Action release:

2009-11-15

4 Scribblenauts

Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
DS
Puzzle score:

8.0

5 Pokemon Platinum Version

Publisher: Nintendo
DS
Role-Playing score:

8.0

6 Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Publisher: Nintendo
WII
Action score:

9.5

7 Star Wars The Clone Wars: Republic Heroes

Publisher: LucasArts
WII
Action score:

4.5

8 Dead Space Extraction

Publisher: Electronic Arts
WII
Action score:

8.0

9 Pokemon Diamond Version

Publisher: Nintendo
DS
Role-Playing score:

8.5

10 Wii Sports Resort

Publisher: Nintendo
WII
Sports score:

8.0

LittleJohnny

2009-10-14T20:02:00.002+09:00

If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?

LittleJohnny

2009-10-14T19:52:00.003+09:00

Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"

Channel Yourchonny (links on my blog)

2009-10-14T18:38:00.001+09:00

Channel:RAYWILLIAMJOHNSON(links on my blog)

2009-10-12T16:52:00.002+09:00

2009-10-11T16:28:00.002+09:00

MyCHonny

2009-10-11T16:16:00.002+09:00

Channel : NigaHiga

2009-10-10T20:14:00.002+09:00

2009-10-09T17:16:00.001+09:00

Channel:NigaHiga

2009-10-08T13:13:00.002+09:00

2009-10-07T16:58:00.001+09:00

2009-10-07T16:21:00.001+09:00

2009-10-07T16:19:00.002+09:00

2009-10-07T15:15:00.001+09:00

Tagg

2009-10-07T00:08:00.000+09:00

I NOW OWE NO POST .......
SO TAG.......
SEND IT ON
PARTY IN THE USA
I'VE GOTTA FEELING
IF U DONT KNOW
WWW.AIMINI.NET
WWW.AIMINI.COM(PROGRAM)

50 things not to say to a naked man

2009-10-06T20:37:00.003+09:00

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it's cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don't we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It's more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.

13. It's ok, we'll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn't know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this won't take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, it's hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Where's the rest of it?

ShaneDawsonTv or '' '''' ''Tv2

2009-10-05T20:31:00.000+09:00

4th requested joke

2009-10-05T19:31:00.001+09:00

Four guys were at a bar. They all start talking to each other about their sons.

One guy said, "I am so happy. My son is a big success. He works for Microsoft and makes a LOT of money. He is so successful, he just bought his girlfriend a new car"!

The second guy said, "Same here. My son is so successful, too. He works for a car dealership and makes a LOT of money, too. He even makes so much money, he just bought his girlfriend a new house."

The third guy said, "I know what you are talking about. My son is like that too-- only he just gave his girlfriend 1 million dollars!"

The fourth guy stepped up to them, looking really sad. He said, "I can't believe it! I don't know what went wrong! My son is a failure. He's a Janitor! Listen to this. He's even GAY! The only good part about it is that his boyfriends just got him a new house, a new car, and gave him a million dollars!"

2009-10-05T19:10:00.000+09:00

Its so long since i cleaned your back,
turn around,
take away your hands,
is it embarrasing to have your sister clean it?
good,
does it feel good?
its growing bigger,
do you want your sister to do it?
...............
im so bad doing this to my little brother,
anyway we are not related ,
cumming......
delicious.........
lets clean our selfs up we will do it again later , ok?

Submitted by: RapeTammy

Sorry

2009-10-04T21:38:00.000+09:00

Ran out of jokes
Sorry for the inconvenience cause i will solve the error as soon as possible
but please continue to surpport .

3rd requested joke

2009-10-04T21:36:00.000+09:00

How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you are trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house door off a tuna boat!"

2nd requested joke

2009-10-04T21:35:00.001+09:00

There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

1st requested joke

2009-10-04T21:34:00.000+09:00

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on.The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!""And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

Period

2009-10-04T18:36:00.002+09:00

one day teacher asked little johnny to draw an exciting thing on the board, little johnny went up and drew a dot, teacher then asked wads that little johnny replied 'a period' and the teacher confused, asked ' explain how is that exciting?' And little johnny replied 'yesterday my sister said that her period did not come then my father scolded her while my mother shouted at her and my neighbour screamed'
Submitted from : brandon
Brandon heard it from 98.7fm

Bonus 200th post

2009-10-04T12:50:00.000+09:00

Wooohoo this will me by 200th post and gerald i bought the cc wish me luck in the grading
bonus joke....
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

2009-10-04T12:48:00.001+09:00

A girl invites her boyfriend home for dinner and tells him they'll go for a long ride after that.
Boy is eager and gets his motorbike checked at the garage. The mechanic tells him everything is ok except the tank cap, which is slightly loose and that the boy should smear Vaseline around the cap should the bike be parked outside and it starts raining. So as to avoid water going in. The boy is happy to hear that and immediately purchases a tube of Vaseline and heads off towards his girlfriends house.
Upon reaching there his girlfriend tells him secretly that the situation in the house is bad as nobody at home has done the dishes or chores for several weeks and the house is a complete mess and that they had decided that whoever speaks first today at dinner would clean up everything.
Boy enters the house and sure enough the place is unbelievably dirty and everyone sits down silently at the dinner table. The boy gets a mischievous idea and jumps on his girlfriend rips of her clothes and has s*x wit her in front of everyone.
Girlfriend gets excited, mom is embarrassed and dad is furious. But nobody speaks a word.
After sometime the boy gets another idea and this time goes to mother and rips off her cloths and has s*x with her. Mother is excited, daughter and father are infuriated. But still nobody speaks.
A little more time passes and the boy hears a clap of thunder and remembers his bike and whips out the Vaseline and gets up when the father screams ," OH HELL NO. I' LL DO THE DISHES"

Lil johnny

2009-10-04T12:47:00.002+09:00

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."
"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants.
The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Taichi

2009-10-03T23:08:00.001+09:00

2009-10-03T14:47:00.001+09:00

2009-10-03T14:41:00.001+09:00

For Edmund My black friend

2009-10-03T14:32:00.001+09:00

2009-10-02T14:36:00.001+09:00

LittleJohnny

2009-10-02T13:17:00.001+09:00

One day there was this little boy named Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."

LittleJohnny

2009-10-02T13:11:00.003+09:00

The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

LittleJohnny

2009-10-02T13:08:00.007+09:00

The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."

LittleJohnny

2009-10-02T13:08:00.006+09:00

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

Skiing

2009-09-30T23:36:00.001+09:00

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

LittleJohnny

2009-09-30T23:35:00.001+09:00

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."

2009-09-29T20:52:00.001+09:00

2009-09-29T20:49:00.001+09:00

2009-09-29T20:46:00.001+09:00

one of my joke in this animation

2009-09-29T20:42:00.001+09:00

2009-09-29T20:38:00.001+09:00

Joke

2009-09-29T20:32:00.001+09:00

ReCreated joke

2009-09-28T22:25:00.000+09:00

There's an old couple, in their 70's, back to the place where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and the husband says to her, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind."

"Yes, I remember it vividly ." she replies.

"OK, how about taking a walk round there again and we can do it for old times sake?"

Snarling his wife responds, "Oh Johnny , you devil, that sounds like a good idea, she answers."

There's a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, chuckling to himself. " I've got to see this, two old timers having sex against a fence." So he follows .

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts up her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and hangs on to the fence and the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling Ohhh God! He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.

This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggled to their feet and put their clothes back on. The guy, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, the guy says to them, "That was something amazing, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Did you drink naughty G?"

"No, it didn't work , the old man says, except fifty years ago that fucking fence wasn't electrified."

ReCreated Joke

2009-09-27T20:51:00.000+09:00

A woman woke up enthusiastically and said to his husband " Did you know what i dreamt of ?"
Husband : Was i even in your dream?
Woman : Actually you were.
Husband : ........
Woman : I Dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace ! Do you know what it means?
Husband :(confidently says)You will know it tonight .

Night passes and blah blah the woman was talking about crap , like she was out . of . her . mind .
Aaaaand his husband came back with a small package
(woman , Eyes opened large 00 What could it be?!? A pearl necklace , Wads of thousand dollars?!?

Her husband came and gave her the package
the woman raped open the package but onli to find a Book , Titled

"Meaning Of Dreams"

YO!!

2009-09-27T20:44:00.000+09:00

Dammit , nose kana kick in TKD training
The black belt nvr give chance even though i say dun wan play killing , taller than me somemore.

Opening link system
Please tag ur link in the tag box provided

Wan joke tag , i wont entertain direct request anymore.....

PHOBIA

2009-09-27T20:38:00.000+09:00

Yesterday sneak in to watch phobia and it didn't disappoint me worth the risk too scared me 2 times 5 stories
-Novice (a monk during hungry ghost festival)
-Ward (kaepo patient)
-Backpackers(zombies)
-Salvage(kill own kid in a car)
-(forgotten)(mistaken for ghost, in the end all of them die in car crash)

Cat Scan

2009-09-25T23:34:00.000+09:00

A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet, Dr Santa Singh, who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.

'Are you sure?', the distraught woman asked. 'He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?'

Dr Santa Singh paused for a moment and said, 'There is one more thing we can do.' He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.

'Well, that confirms it.' the vet announced. 'Your dog is dead.'

Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, 'How much do I owe you?'

'That will be Rs. 1100.' the vet replied.

'I don't believe it!!!', screamed the woman. 'What did you do that cost Rs.1100?

'Well', Dr Santa Singh replied, 'it's Rs.100 for the office visit and Rs.1000 for the cat-scan.'

---king lousy joke what is this joke about!!
Please dont say"I donknow maybe becus im too cool?"

Life Partner

2009-09-25T23:30:00.000+09:00

How the various people search for life partner

BEGGAR;

Bhagwan ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de,

Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,

Bhagwan tujhe ek ke badle do dega,

Hillery hogi to Monika bhi dega

LAWYER;

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.

: Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BOATMAN;

Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.

BANKER;

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

SHAAYAR;

Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,

Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,

Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,

To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

BEVDA;

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC;

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition.Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent wont be tolerated especially in the head gear.

Wat the hell is this joke about?
The spelling suck n i dont know MAlAY or whatever language that is!!!

Good News!! Bad News!!

2009-09-25T23:28:00.000+09:00

At the hospital, there was a man lying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man.

"Doctor," the man said, "will I be OK?"

The doctor turned to him and said, "Well there is good and bad news."

"Tell me the bad news," said the man.

"Well," said the doctor, "the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to cut both your legs off."

"Oh! my God, what the hell is the good news?" said the man.

"The good news is, see that man over there, he wants to buy your shoes," said the doctor.

2009-09-25T23:26:00.000+09:00

A doctor performs an operation on a young woman.

When she is ready, to leave the hospital he tells her, "I've made a terrible mistake. I sewed the scissors up, inside you. However, it won't bother you. Go home and forget about it... "

Two weeks later the young woman comes rushing into the doctor's office.

"Doctor, doctor," she cries, "You' II have to do something, about those scissors. You must remove them at once. Two of my friends have been circumcised and a casual acquaintance has had his finger cut."

UseFulll tool

2009-09-25T23:21:00.000+09:00

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of six inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.

In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognise the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to it’s freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

Can you recognise this tool?

This is none other than your very own.....

Toothbrush ! ! !

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Dancing baby

2009-09-25T23:12:00.002+09:00

2009-09-25T23:12:00.001+09:00

Bwahahahaha

2009-09-25T23:04:00.000+09:00

My wife is just not interested in sex

2009-09-25T22:56:00.000+09:00

"Doctor, you've got to help me! My wife just isn't interested in Sex, anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doctor, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me upset like this? I am desperate! I can't think, I can't concentrate, my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, the tests so far indicate that they're very powerful. Don't give her more than one, understand? Just one."

"I don't Know, doctor, she's awfully cold..."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um, okay." The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the Kitchen to bring dessert.

The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates then drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes, he drops one pill into his own coffee.

His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her.

In a near-whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I...need...a man"

His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me...too..."

2009-09-07T21:14:00.000+09:00

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Madtv Michael jackson parody

2009-09-07T21:07:00.000+09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Cv5kpf0H60&feature=related

2009-09-07T20:59:00.000+09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGW2RYF6pU&NR=1

Madtv Michael Jackson trail

Best

2009-09-07T20:37:00.001+09:00

2009-09-07T20:27:00.001+09:00

2009-09-07T20:26:00.001+09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhKT2V-Y-SA&feature=video_response

2009-09-07T20:18:00.000+09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5zjZtpMBJU&feature=video_response

2009-09-07T20:01:00.001+09:00

Madtv's Batman

2009-09-06T17:55:00.001+09:00

2009-09-05T20:28:00.001+09:00

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

2009-09-05T20:12:00.000+09:00

today went to pastamania tried spaghetti bolognese
it sucks rating 1/10
also tried hawaiian pizza
it also sucked rating 2/10

Little Johnny

2009-08-27T17:20:00.002+09:00

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

Dam sick

2009-08-27T17:20:00.001+09:00

Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn

I asked your momma "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said tuna surprise

I asked your momma "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said crabs

Your momma's like a gun, two cocks and she's loaded!

Your momma's like a vaccum cleaner ... She sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.

Yo Mama's like a mosquito, you have to slap her to get her to stop sucking

Little Johnny

2009-08-27T17:18:00.002+09:00

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

Blonde mother

2009-08-27T17:18:00.001+09:00

There are three moms. .

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"

They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Bear n Rabbit

2009-08-27T17:16:00.000+09:00

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

Little Johnny's mom

2009-08-27T17:15:00.000+09:00

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

2009-08-25T21:29:00.000+09:00

An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says.

One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?."

"I know these things," replied the Indian.

They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks."

"How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again.

"I know these things."

After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps of his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."

"How'd you know that!?"

"Ear wet."

2009-08-25T21:27:00.000+09:00

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysiter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys dick and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."

AHAHA

2009-08-25T21:26:00.000+09:00

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

AHAHA continues

2009-08-25T21:23:00.000+09:00

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Whats my name?

2009-08-25T21:09:00.000+09:00

Indian chief decided it was time to give his 3 sons their adult names as they had reached manhood. So he gathered them in to his tent, together with the elders of the tribe.

He turns to the 1st son, "Son, you will be called Eagle. "
The 3rd son interrupts, "Father, father, what will I be called?"
"All in good time my son", replies the Chief.
He continues, "you will be called Eagle because you are strong and wise."
The Elders agreed.

He then turns to the 2nd son, but the 3rd son says "Father,father, what will I be called?"
"All in good time, my son" he replies.
He then continues to the 2nd son, "Son you will be called Swallow".
The 3rd son says again "Father, father, what will I be called?".
"All in good time my son" comes the reply.
He then continues, "you will be named Swallow because you are quick and cunning."
The Elders agree.

He then turns to the 3rd son who is asking, "Father Father,what will I be called?"
"Son, you will be called Thrush."
"Why is that father?" he asked excitedly.
"Because you are an irritating cunt."

Just checking

2009-08-25T21:07:00.000+09:00

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I’ll go home."

Joke

2009-08-25T21:06:00.000+09:00

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."

The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed."

Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed."

The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

Smart Blonde

2009-08-25T20:59:00.000+09:00

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
DO YOU GET THIS JOKE?
Miffed is
petulant displeasure, ill humor...

joke

2009-08-25T20:56:00.000+09:00

By Wailoon / His teacher

A, K, B , F
were playing hide n seek
A was the catcher
others hiders
A found B n F
But just cant seem to find K
So he asked F "F you see K?"
F U C K
<>

Joke First Night

2009-08-25T20:51:00.001+09:00

Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.

"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asked.

"Well, I also had Kneesles."

"Don't you mean measles?"

"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

Joke

2009-08-20T20:33:00.000+09:00

Champagne and gorgeous woman
A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.

She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1 million in liquid assets, and 7 inches in your pants."

Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just to let you know, I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have well over $2 million in assets, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."

Joke

2009-08-20T20:29:00.000+09:00

Dance at Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:

Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.

Did you dance much?

I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."

From email

2009-08-01T16:10:00.000+09:00

> >> Blondes
> >> Two blondes
> >> living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
> >> blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther
> >> away... Florida or the moon?'
> >>
> >> The other
> >> blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see
> >> Florida?????'
> >>
> >> Car
> >> Trouble
> >>
> >> A blonde
> >> pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
> >> died.
> >> After he
> >> works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
> >> smoothly.
> >>
> >> She says,
> >> 'What's the story?'
> >> He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
> >> She asks, 'How often do I have to do
> >> that?'
> >>
> >>
> >> SPEEDING
> >> TICKET
> >>
> >> A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
> >> very nicely if he could see her licence.
> >>
> >> She replied
> >> in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
> >> Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you
> >> expect me to show it to you!'
> >>
> >>
> >> River
> >> Walk
> >> There's
> >> this blonde out for a walk She comes to a river and sees
> >> another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she
> >> shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
> >>
> >> The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
> >> and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other
> >> side.'
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> At
> >> the Doctors Office
> >> A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
> >> and said that her body hurt wherever she touched
> >> it.
> >>
> >> 'Impossible!'
> >> says the doctor. 'Show me.'
> >> The redhead
> >> took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
> >> and then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She
> >> pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle
> >> and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
> >> scream.
> >>
> >> The doctor
> >> said, 'You're not really a redhead, are
> >> you?
> >> 'Well,
> >> no' she said, 'I'm actually a
> >> blonde.'
> >>
> >> 'I
> >> thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is
> >> broken.'
> >>
> >> Knitting
> >>
> >> A highway
> >> patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
> >> Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde
> >> behind the wheel was knitting!
> >>
> >> Realising
> >> that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
> >> trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
> >> yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
> >>
> >> 'NO!' the blonde
> >> yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
> >>
> >> On
> >> the Sun
> >>
> >> A Russian,
> >> an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
> >> The Russian
> >> said, 'We were the first in space!'
> >>
> >> The
> >> American said, 'We were the first on the
> >> moon!'
> >> The Blonde
> >> said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the
> >> sun!'
> >>
> >> The Russian
> >> and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
> >> 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll
> >> burn up!' said the Russian.
> >>
> >> To which
> >> the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know.
> >> We're going at night!'
> >>
> >>
> >> In
> >> a vacuum
> >>
> >> A blonde
> >> was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
> >> rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
> >> question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
> >> your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and
> >> then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
> >>
> >>
> >> FINALLY,
> >> THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL JOKES!
> >> A girl was
> >> visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
> >> and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by
> >> saying that one was named Rolex and one was named
> >> Timex.
> >>
> >> Her friend
> >> said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
> >> that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the
> >> blonde. 'They're watch
> >> dogs.'
> >>
> >>
>
>